Opportunities in a New City

I've been bad about blogging regularly since I got back from Edmonton, so this one will be a bit longer.

I've spent a little over a month in Calgary and I've realized a few really important things. These are easily things that I had in mind before I moved here, but I never thought of how much they ring true:

1) You have to make your own opportunities.

2) You can be whoever you want to be when you're living in a new city.

I'll come back to these points, but I want to talk a bit more about how I reached these conclusions.

A friend of mine who has also moved from Edmonton to live in Calgary told me about a number of friends that she has known who were also in the same situation. Graduates, professionals, students all moving to Calgary for the next phase of their lives. But for whatever reason, the common theme revolved around being miserable and out of their element. People were missing friends and family from home, times were tough in a new city, etc. It has gotten to the point where the common decision has been to move back home and to salvage what they can out of the situation.

At first, I couldn't see what her friends were talking about. Calgary is a thriving and exciting city, and there is so much to do and learn out here, you would have to be crazy to want to move back! Not until recently when I started taking inventory in my life did I start seeing what they were seeing. I think after a certain amount of time, you start to naturally compare your initial expectations to reality. I've had a lot of friends from Edmonton ask me about how my life in Calgary is going, and typically I give them the obligatory 'Yep it's good, there's lots of restaurants here, the weather is great, etc.' Although it is important to be positive about life, sometimes you also need to take a hard long look at yourself too.

The reality of it is that life has been different around here. My routines have drastically changed. Routine used to be to spend time with friends doing nothing, which was great, but got a bit tedious. Now my routine is spend time playing videos games and on the internet, which is also great, but not very fulfilling as well. I got a little antsy about this conclusion, "How could this have happened? I'm in a new place, things are supposed to get more exciting aren't they?" That's where I had it wrong.

See I think the problem that my friend's friends were running into was that there was an expectation for things to just happen. New friends will come, new experiences will flourish, and all will be good (so say we all). And although that can happen to people naturally, I think the opposite is equally as likely to happen, if not more likely. You move to a new city, you're intimidated and out of your comfort zone, so you shut yourself in and hang on to what is familiar. What was familiar for me was playing Xbox live with friends and going out only when necessary. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's definitely a far cry from what my expectations were initially. You can't expect to have a new life if you spend it at home doing the same routine over and over again.

In the end I guess what I'm trying to say is that moving to a new city can be awesome. But also, moving into a new city can be equally as boring if that's what you're comfortable with and keep the same old routine going. I know for me, I started to make excuses for myself. "Well I'm not an outgoing and adventurous person, how am I supposed to initiate contact with people I don't even know? Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I'm better at keeping close friends than I am at making new ones." Well that might be the case of what I'm comfortable with, but who is to say that I can't adapt? In all reality, if I really wanted to look for an adventure or awesome experience from my time here, then a part of that naturally involves me getting out of my shell and challenging myself.

One terrible trait that I am infamous for having is the tendency to make judgments about people before getting to know them. I became so aware of this, that it became a mental block for me and meeting new people. I feel like I have a great method of reading people and personalities. I honestly thought that I was too clever for my own good; that I would be able to pinpoint traits that I didn't like in a person and other qualities that I did like immediately. Then I finally remembered, "Oh yeah, if I really feel held hostage by that, I can flush it down the toilet and start from scratch." Although they say that old habits die hard, I think they're a bit easier to conquer when you are actively aware of them. I signed up for 2 basketball rec leagues even though I had bad experiences with them in the past in Edmonton and thought I had made up my mind about the idea. Even though I had 50 reasons not to sign up (it costs too much, I don't have enough time as it is [a total lie btw], etc), I felt like this was a positive way of getting out of my shell. I consider that as my first step to resetting my thinking.

My point is that a new city is whatever you make it into. You can make it into the depressing black hole where none of your old friends are with you, roads are unfamiliar, and you have a crappy hockey team (still not as crappy as the Oilers thankfully). Or you can really seize the opportunity to reinvent yourself and have some great adventures. Hopefully month 2 will be more of the latter.