The Decision

I accepted a new job position in Calgary with the Data Group of Companies two days ago (Oh yes, I'm comparing the magnitude of my decision to the well-publicized Lebron James decision to play for the Miami Heat, I'm that full of myself :D). I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I feel about it: scared or excited? I tend to lean more towards the excited part since it’s a good step forward for me. There’s a great opportunity to meet new people, experience a fresh new city, and be out on my own for once. Still though, with the more time that passes and with my impending move getting closer and closer, that excitement is starting to turn into something scary.

I like to compare the situation to breaking off a relationship. In this way, I’m sort of breaking up with Edmonton. At first, it is exciting because you start to wonder what the possibilities are: maybe I can hook up with a smoking hot supermodel city, even if I don’t; I have the freedom to see wherever I want and have fun. I start getting ahead of myself with the possibilities and start dreaming ahead. But as the time goes by, you start to realize the small things that the ex-city used to do for you. Looks like I gotta pay rent, that was nice when it wasn’t so complicated with Edmonton.. That’s ok, I’ll hang out with the old gang of friends.... ahh crap they were Edmonton’s friends, can’t do that anymore.

Fear is kind of a blanket term, so I want to be more specific. If I were to rate my top 5 fears about this move, this is how it would look:

5. Missing out in Edmonton: With me being in Calgary, obviously I’m going to miss a lot of big events in Edmonton revolving my friends and family. I rationalize that I’m going to make that drive pretty frequently, but you can only do so much.

4. Church: Gateway has been a really great church for me and I’m grateful for the growth that I’ve made there. Although as of late my attendance has been spotty at best, I feel like I have a good connection and understanding of the pastoral team there. I think I’ll be able to adapt to a new church and I’m excited at meeting brand new people, but I get scared about the church / message style not being right for me.

3. Friends: I’ve known my friends for almost as long as I can remember. Recently there are some of us that have kind of drifted apart naturally, pursuing their own lives and careers which are understandable. I think a new infusion of people to meet is just what I need at this point in my life. But still, it is extremely hard for me to close the book on friends that I’ve known for so long and that I have grown up with.

2. The Job: I start my training for the position next Monday on the 24^th of January. I feel confident that the proper training and care will be there, but I would be lying if I said it isn’t intimidating being the sole primary contact for Calgary. I’ve always felt inferior in what I know about HR and what I should know about HR from my degree, and this experience is either going to reinforce that belief, or blow it out of the water. Either way, it’s going to shape how I look at HR as a profession, and myself as a possible HR Professional.

1. Finances: I’ve been trying to crunch out the numbers of my finances and budget for when I get settled in Calgary. I have to admit that it is tighter than I would have liked. When I first heard about the starting salary for the position I was extremely excited at the possibilities. But when you start to break down the monthly costs that I’m not used to paying along with being in a different tax bracket, things start to get tight. It seems like my ‘experiencing’ the new city / life is going to be somewhat limited by my budget. This also affects how my living arrangement is going to pan out, and ultimately what my living experience will be like in Calgary.

In all, there are still a ton of uncertainties in the equation of Calgary, I think that’s what is most unsettling. Will I like it there? Not sure. Will I have friends? Not sure. Is that job something that I’ll want to keep doing? Not sure. So what is the cost of one of those things turning out as a no? I think the worst things that can happen are that: a) I’m in a worse financial situation than previous, b) I have to move back to Edmonton and seen as the failed experiment, c) My social life dwindles and becomes nothing. In all reality, the chances of any or all of those things happening is really low, but I always think of worst case scenario, even if it’s not helpful in this case.

One thing that I have found is that I tend to conceptualize the worse outcomes more than the better outcomes. I think it’s a self-defense mechanism that kicks in for my brain to stop myself from disappointment and to be prepared for the worst off scenario. But really, chances are I’m going to have an awesome time out there, or else I wouldn’t have even considered accepting the opportunity. It’s like when I quit my job at CDI last Oct. Although it was scary and seemed like there was far more to lose than gain, because I chose to quit I have the opportunity for a way better job in my field for way better pay. I remember thinking back to my decision to quit and asking myself if I would do it again if I had the chance (this was before I got this job offer) I said that I would. It may have been a little rough with the money situation (and even that’s exaggerating), but in the end it really made me grow in so many ways. My spending habits have matured (I don’t look to buy every single gadget from best buy / futureshop), my relationship with my parents has gotten tighter, and I have a better outlook on life and on God. I really had to lean on God and have faith that He would deliver me from a worse off situation. One Bible verse that really helped me through the time was:

Matthew 6:25
For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to to his life?

But to take a quote from Dr. Kelso ‘Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy’. So really the question is do I want to stay in a safe place and be less scared about what might happen, or do I want to take that frightening first step into the unknown into success or failure, but know in doing so that I’ve given my best shot at something that’s worth having. As scary and daunting as that seems, I think we all want to have that glory story that we can tell our kids later on in life. That we took the step that we needed to have a shot at something great.

So how does this all leave me feeling? I feel optimistic. I understand that it’s going to require a fair bit of work and adjustment in moving out on my own, but I feel like it’s the right time to do it and I’m ready for that change. This could be a season of my life, or a step to the rest of my life in Calgary, who knows? All I know is that the great possibilities are out there, and that God will take care of the rest of the details.