In My Head

*The following has been written on the basis of complete opinion and frustration. Warning: thoughts may be erratic and completely entertaining. All names have been taken out for privacy sake.

So just last week I broke up with my girlfriend of about 4 mths. How it went down and all of those details isn't what I want to get into.

Now is that a big deal in someone's life? To come out of a relationship with that kind of length? I suppose it's all relative depending on the person's opinion, as are many other questions I'll be asking in this blog. As for the break-up itself, I think it happened with as much mutual understanding as you can hope for in that kind of scenario. But again, that's not what I'm writing about.

Seems like the first major thing to happen when something like that occurs is the change of relationship status on Facebook. Who's gonna change their status first and when?! It's kind of the waiting game for the two involved in the break-up. But this isn't what I wanted to talk about either.

So the relationship statuses change, and it says on both of our pages that we're now single. Let me be clear that I'm not claiming to be a Facebook guru and know how all of the mechanics work. As far as I've experienced though, whenever something like a relationship status changes on a friend's page, it will show up on your 'Top News' feed in the home screen. So here I am changing my status, and I'm getting ready for the questions to start rolling in: are you okay, how did it happen, etc, etc. I figure I'd give it a day or so and then I'd check back.

The next day, I'm able to see the ex's page and see the comments on her status. Obviously, the things I previously said are happening to her status change. Comments such as: "Are you okay?", "I'm here if you need me", "I'm sorry to hear that". A part of me is happy for her, that she would have friends that would come around her and ask how things are. So I check my page.... and there's nothing. I think to myself, "Okay, it's not like I'm the center of the universe or anything. People probably just haven't realized or are just busy to post anything". So I give it a couple of more days.

What I was shocked to see was that there was absolutely no comments about it at all. Not a single person left a half sentence comment, or even any sign of concern. Instead, my Recent activity read:

"Devin went from being 'in a relationship' to 'single'."

And that was it. Just a statement of fact, and no remorse or concern from anyone. Of course when you factor how this made me feel, I think my Recent activity should have read:

"Devin went from being 'in a relationship' to 'single'. And no one gives a fuck."

Three days later

"Still no one gives a fuck. Seriously, go fuck yourself."

Is this an extreme way of taking it? Maybe. Are people going to read this and wonder why I'm making such a big deal of it? Definitely, assuming people give two shits to even read this post.

But lets even take Facebook out of the equation. Lets say none of my friends check their Facebook throughout the week (unlikely already). I'm not claiming to be anyone of huge importance or anything but I know that as soon as someone you know has a break-up, the news spreads quickly. In fact even after talking to a friend today, he said that a mutual friend of his asked him what had happened. Did I ever hear from this mutual friend? Not at all. If you want to know what happened, just ask me.

I want to be clear about what pissed me off, because some people will read this and say, "Yeah I did my part. I asked how the break-up went". Okay, but it's not that. I think any good friend of another person should ask the person how they are AFTER dealing with the break-up perhaps sometime within the same week. For the record, I've been taking it relatively well, but that's not the point. How would you be able to know how I am if you don't ask?

People may disagree with me and say it's always better to get their mind off of it and to not dwell in the moment, but I say you're full of it. I think it's like a car that's stuck in a snow bank in the winter. It's much easier to say to yourself that the person seems fine by the looks of it, or that it's none of your business to ask or help. That way you can keep driving and get to your destination on time without any hassle. Whereas the simple task of stopping, getting out of your car, and asking if they're okay can make the world of difference.

If someone was physically hurt by something noticeable (like cutting themselves with a knife, or burning their hand on the stove, or other retarded examples), the first thing you would ask them is if they were alright and assess how bad the wound is. You wouldn't just simply act as if nothing happened, and try to talk to them about something else totally unrelated to 'keep their mind off of it'. "Oh looks like you burnt yourself bad. So hey, the weather has been shitty lately hasn't it? I like it when there's clouds in the sky, but not enough for it to rain because this weekend I was going to...."

Now to be fair, I did receive some sort of condolences and questions about my well-being from some people. To name a few: there was a girl from church who sent me a facebook message, my french friend who immediately called me and asked me how I was after I told her the news, and a phone call with my buddy from BC. My brother and sister in-law hung out with me immediately after the break-up and my brother even called me 3 days later to just ask how things were going. Who knows, maybe me and him think along the similar lines but he knew exactly what I would have liked to happen and took the 5 minutes to call me.

Maybe I should have brought the topic to the table? Maybe I should have told people that I needed to talk? I don't think so. If you know me, I'm the type of person who tries to be as least mopey as I can be (ironic, since I wrote this blog). I can't stand when people bring their issues to the table and tells everyone to look at them. If you really care about it, then you'd ask about it and I wouldn't have to force feed it down your throat.

So what's the point here? What am I trying to get at? I spoke to my friend about this frustration with everyone, and he kinda sat there and asked me, "Well, how are you doing?". Do you really think I want to talk about it now? No not really. Does anyone ever want to talk after you've told someone to ask you about something? Seems counter-productive and forced to me.

There's a lot of times where I'll share frustrations with my brother, and he seems to know where I'm coming from every time. I think it has to do with the fact that we're family and we have the same-ish values. But there are a lot of times where he asks me, "Yeah I know where you're coming from. Did you tell them about it? Did you let them know? Because most of the time they don't know what you're expecting or how to deal with that situation." I completely agree with him, and this is why I chose to write about this. This is the instruction manual of what pisses me off, and now you know why.

You just got learned.