My Funky Dream

I had one of the most vivid dreams last night. It could have resulted from a number of things like falling asleep at 9:30 at night, some reading that I've done before bed, or how much I've been thinking about things in the back of my mind. Nonetheless, I felt that it was important to blog about it and get it down on paper before I forgot it entirely. Keep in mind, due to the nature of dreams, I've only remembered certain details and some things won't make sense.

So the dream starts off and I'm in the U.S. military. From what I remember I'm just a typical foot soldier and I'm at home base at the moment. I remember the fact that we were at war with someone but I don't quite remember who. For all I know it could have been some alien race or some super world power like China. The deeper I get into writing this, the more spotty my memory seems to be... I don't remember whether we had just been attacked and I was a part of the defense effort or if I had just arrived there after the attack. Whichever way for some reason we got hit hard. Our intelligence had just learnt that a big faction from our army turned on us and sided with our enemies. This could also explain why we got hit as hard as we did, since it was such a surprise attack.

From what I remember, our commander and a platoon of our main forces came back to base just in time to fend off the attackers. Casualties and cut supply lines were so bad that it was rare for any soldier to know any of the other soldiers who had survived or for anyone to be carrying any kind of firearm. Somehow though I had secured a pistol.

In the midst of all of this I remember 2 specific people in my dream. First, the commander who came back from us looked just like Billy Madison's father from the movie 'Billy Madison'. Sorry I can't give any better description, but that's the best way to describe it. Next there was a guy who I had gotten to know during the attack. His last name was Milner, and that's all I knew about him. He looked just like a guy I know from church named Ray. He was the only guy who knew that I had got a hold of a pistol.

In the middle of my dream, I remember seeing a transmission coming up on a tv screen. It was the commander of the traitor faction taunting us and letting us know that they'd be coming with a bigger force to wipe the rest of us out. Soon after, our commander came on over the radio letting us know that our food and munitions were severely short and that although we'd be leaving the base before the next attack, not all of us would be able to come. Almost instinctively all the remaining survivors began to meet along a certain hallway.

Now what I found amazing was that all the soldiers including myself knew what had to happen next. We formed a line of about 20 along a wall. As the line slowly proceeded, the person at the front of the line would have to face the commander and he would decide whether or not that person would be able to leave on the bus. Pistol in hand, if the person wasn't of enough importance, the commander would methodically shoot each soldier in the heart. My main reasoning why this happened was to ensure no one was taken prisoner during the next attack and so that no one would try to forcibly make it onto the bus. Now that I think of it though, he shot them on the right side of the chest which made sense while I was dreaming it but not so much now. Anyway, if the person would be allowed to come on board, the commander would shoot just above their shoulder to miss them completely. Again this didn't really make much sense after the fact as it's a brutal waste of needed ammunition, but I suppose it was more dramatic this way.

I think the part that made this process so vivid to me was the fearlessness in the soldier's eyes. Although they had just helped fend off one of the worst attacks they'd ever seen, they knew what had to happen next. Moreover, they had so much trust in the commander and his decision about what was right and what was wrong. There were no complaints or attempts to pursuade the commander. Obviously people would be crying and shaking when it came to their turn.

Back to the lineup. As I was watching fellow soldiers die in line, in what seemed to be a 3:4 ratio of being shot to being let go, I realized that I was last in line with Milner 3 spots ahead of me. It slowly got up to him, and somehow I knew that he was going to be kept alive. Once the bullet hit the wall above his shoulder, he hung around to see off anyone else who wouldn't make it. So I decided to give him my wallet and the pistol that I had without exchanging any words. For some reason it seemed like we knew each other even though we hadn't even exchanged a word.

It finally came up to me, and being sly as I was I let the commander know that I had just turned in the pistol that I had found. I figured this would give me a better standing with him as it was the honest thing to do and an act of trust in that I didn't use the pistol to try to get free. Then the commander looked at Milner for confirmation. With a confused look, Milner looked back and shrugged as he emptied his pockets and found nothing. At this point I was like, "WTF?! I JUST gave it to you! How could you not remember?!". I won't lie, I began to freak out a bit because now the commander thought I was lying.. Finally at the last second, Milner found the pistol. I looked back at the commander who had an annoyed look on his face since this had taken so long. So I closed my eyes and kept shaking because I didn't know what would happen or how it would feel to be shot. I remember the feeling of the pistol against my chest (which now that I think back was a revolver. Again doesn't make much sense but is more dramatic). I was thinking, 'Okay, any second now he's going to move the end of it above my shoulder and shoot. If I can still feel the gun against my chest, I'm screwed...' The gun remained pushed up against my chest as I went through the thought process. This was when I realized that I was done for. I opened my eyes last second to see him pull the trigger and see the bullet chamber spin... Click... The stupid gun was out of bullets.

I looked at the commander's face and knew that he somehow planned it this way. I was left heaving and shaking after the experience while everyone else started to pack up for the bus. Why the hell would he do it this way? What a bastard...

The last thing I remember was all the remaining soldiers getting onto a schoolbus and leaving the base.


What it could all mean

This is just a rough idea of what this whole dream could have meant:

- the idea of the shooting line with the soldiers really spoke to me. I think it was a testament about how brave our real soldiers are in the face of genuine danger. It speaks volumes about their courageousness, and their overwhelming duty to their country and leaders.

- the idea of being at war with a superpower isn't so crazy as it sounds. I've been reading a lot of this book that Tom has lent me called Buying the Dragon's Teeth. It's a book that talks about the real Chinese government and it's oppressive acts against it's citizens and threatening acts to neighbouring countries. Although I highly recommend the book, it's obvious that the truth about China has really made me think and dwell on a number of things.

- the character of Milner reminded me of Ray because Ray is a police officer. When you think about it, the occupation of police officer and soldier parallel each other pretty well and both of them are examples of facing genuine danger.