Christmas Wrap-up

I'm sitting here on the computer and I'm amazed at the fact that no one is on MSN. Oh yeah, it's 4:30 in the morning. Right..

That's been pretty much the theme of the holidays for me. What can I say. I don't want to make my Christmas holidays seem depressing or anything, but it also hasn't been as good as it could have been. It's pretty tough to make some memorable Christmas moments when you're in a situation like mine. When the girlfriend card isn't in play and money is nowhere to be seen, you're kinda limited to what you can do. I'm not exactly sure what I was expecting out of Christmas given the situation.

Overall Christmas has been a lot of relaxing at home, late night bumming around, hanging out with friends for the usual routine and so on. Again, it doesn't really seem like anything out of the ordinary for someone like me. When I say someone like me I'm referring to someone who doesn't drink much, hangs out with a small group of friends, and prefers a cheap and simple night of board games or hanging out rather than spending money aimlessly.

So far, that's what the holidays have been filled with. Being able to get our hands on a copy of Rockband with a complete set of instruments, how could you not lean towards those kinds of activities? However, I get a sense of restlessness from it all, and I'm not sure what it's all about.

Who knows, it could either be the natural self-duty to be as productive as I can be. Everyone has those moments where you're glad you have time to just sit and relax, yet you feel like a bastard somehow because you aren't getting anything done. I know I feel that way especially because during exams I felt a high priority to play guitar, workout, clean-up the house, and tie up loose ends. And now that I have that time, I can't bring myself around to doing those things.

Or it could have to do with the balance factor. I've always believed in the idea that a person needs a certain amount of time to refill their tank before they have to work again, so that they don't get burnt out. My biggest fear has always been burning out. Just the thought of suddenly not being able to handle the responsibilities you've taken while at the same time having it effect your personal life, that is a scary thing to happen. In a way, I've always made sure that I've had at least the required amount of recharge/relax time needed to go on with whatever I need to take care of. Exactly how much that required amount is, who knows. For all I know, I'm probably taking more time than I need just to be on the safe side. You can definitely see that in my studying habits where I'll study for 45 minutes and take a 30 minute break.

Although it could be those two things, I'm pretty sure it's my educational future that unsettles me most during this break. I have yet to tell my parents of my plans to change my accounting path into something else. After having a conversation with Tom, he gave me a few different ideas as to what that could be. One suggestion that stuck with me was the idea of going to Australia for a semester and working. He was talking about how a friend of his did that by going to Japan and teaching english there. The parts that appeal to me most about that idea was that: 1) I would be able to goto Australia which has been a longtime goal for me, 2) Me working overseas would mean that I would be able to stay there longer and also not get bored, 3) It involves making money, 4) My parents ACTUALLY might accept the idea. It's all still in the air until I'm able to talk to my advisor next weak, but all I know is that it's gonna be a rough time trying to explain it to my parents. My mom has been casually asking about the graduation thing, and I didn't want to let the cat out of the bag until I had the details about my schedule and I was able to tell both of them.

All I know is that right now I'm in a very difficult place.