"It's a frame of mind, you see.."

Hehe I think only a select few people will understand the title, but that's always the fun part about inside jokes.

I've just felt like blogging right now because I suddenly feel better than I have felt in a while. It's been one of those weekends where you just look back and say 'hmm, that was cool...' But of course you know me, and when I get some kind of sudden uplift in mood, I have to analyze its nature. So on with the lab experiment..

fLately I've thought a whole lot about moods. I know I've probably blogged about this same topic before and I've probably come to the same solution, since it's something I've wondered about for almost all my life. But looking more intuitively into the topic, I've realized that I've come to really respect those people who could maintain a positive frame of mind. A good example of this is one of my friends named Tyng who I see occasionally. Although me and the gang tend to see him very seldomly, it's obvious that he draws excitement whenever he's around. I think a big part of this is because he's so positive and full of life, that he's just really fun to be around. It's like all the small petty things that you used to dwell on seem to be a little less insignificant when you catch the positive vibe coming from this guy. A few other people I can think of off the top of my head who are just like this are Karen, Carmen, and Quy. You kind of take it for granted as you hang out with them and not notice it, but their genuine excitement for life and positive outlook is really invigorating.

With that said, I did have the opportunity to have coffee with one of these previously mentioned friends of mine, and I think it's really started a very much needed upswing in my life. As usual, I acknowledge the fact that life is good only in moderations, and that if you try to positive spin when the real crap hits the fan, you're only fooling yourself. In that I mean, genuine positiveness is the real miracle worker in this situation, and faking any of it won't get you anywhere. However, to turn this on its head, when every good moment in life is turned into the most suicidal and depressing monologues of your life, things are just gonna continue to suck. I think it's unfortunate that nowadays, the optimistic person is harder to come by and even mocked by most people. It's just so much easier to become one of those people who complains about everything and who makes the witty sarcastic remarks that catch the occasional smile.

On that note, I've noticed myself becoming more and more like the emo kid who hates everything lately. I found myself caring more about the stupid petty stuff and letting it cloud my mind with insecurity. I'd go so far as to argue with some of my friends to death about somethings that were so trivial. As sad as it sounded, my best escape from it all were to play video games, even in times that I really couldn't afford wasting any time. To clarify, in no way am I blaming video games, I hate people who do that. It's just a personal preference and release that I've developed that's easily accessible.

To be honest though, there was something else about the whole thing that bugged me. For those of you who didn't notice any difference or who didn't care to notice, well I think we've figured out how much you know me and how close of friends we really are. While I was going through these 'storms in my life', the people who said that they would purposely be there for me didn't even have a clue about what was going on. It may sound like I'm being overly dramatic about the whole thing, but you try being let down by people who say they had your back. In fact, I still had people asking me to do things for them while not realizing how I felt at all. I've learned throughout the experience that I was trying too hard to be someone for so many different people.

"I do not recommend this strategy. I recommend picturing the person with MORE clothes on, or wearing a funny coat..." Hehe I just had to sneak in an office quote. But I did realize that I was trying to keep up all of my friendships while sacrificing the time that I needed to take care of my own things. I've come to the conclusion that I don't have time to spend with people I don't have fun being around, or who don't actually care for me much.

But for those of you who had to put up with my crap, the tea party's over and I think I'm ready to move on. In short, "Sorry for being a deuche. We'll return to our regularly scheduled program shortly."