A Gift or Curse

After looking back on the events of tonight, I felt really good about myself. I had another drama Murder Mystery show scheduled for tonight at Dante's. For anyone who doesn't know about it, I've been hired by a company called Slixer. They are a company that operates all across Canada in putting on entertainment for various seminars/staff parties/events. One such show that they put on across Vancouver/Calgary/Edmonton/Toronto/etc is a murder mystery. So I get pretty much paid 80 bucks for 3 hours of work or show in this case. In these 3 hours, I get to act as one of the waiters at the events; serving food, refilling drinks, etc. But at the same time, I get to act like a bumbling dumbass because that's what my character is, and why another character constantly gives him crap. All in all, it's a fun and interesting night, especially if the crowd is really into it. Also the company throws in a free meal for the night from the place that's hosting us. Our meal limit is usually around 16 bucks per person, not too shabby at all. :)

Anyway, I guess that's already going on a tangent. Some people may have noticed that I haven't been feeling great about myself or anything for the last few months, and another few people also know the reason for it. I guess what really made me feel good especially after tonight, is a new and refreshing sense of value that I've found. Being able to put on a good show and know that lots of people were entertained and having fellow actors comend me definitely feels good. That's just scratching the surface.

I guess a big part of tonight's good times was the fact that we were doing the show at Dante's. Everyone knows that Dante is known for its smoking hot waitresses. If you ask me, they're probably the hottest that I've ever seen in a restaurant, with only Moxies to contend with. Anyway, this was my 2nd show at Dante's, and I remember last time being able to work with 2 really cool people that helped us host the event earlier. One being a guy bartender who was really cool, and the other being a pretty hot waitress who was easy to get along with. Today I got to work with the same two people, and it was totally a blast. And as a bonus, I was able to flirt with the one girl waitress, who showed me her tattoo after the show.... Yep.......good times.....

So I guess to kind of cut to the point of it all, after the whole Christmas debacle, it's good to know that I've still got it. "It" being a number of things in this case: the ability to flirt with pretty girls, the ability to act and entertain people, and the fact that people still want me for me. It's hard to explain, but it's nice to know when you're needed, for any reason. I think I really lost that feeling for a while, especially when you're single for as long as I've been and you don't have that person to reinforce your worth every day or week or whatever.

But this whole experience makes me think, would this much fun have been possible if I weren't single? A girl had told me tonight that the only reason I'm single right now is because I want to be single. Although I've been looking for quite some time, it makes me wonder if there's a part of that statement that's true. Is there an inherent part of me that really is trying to stay in the single market? Again, it is nice to have the whole girlfriend thing going on, and that belonging and reinforcement that comes with it. But also, there are definitely the costs that come with that (time, money, commitment, emotions, etc).

The Bible also describes God giving speciifc people the gift of love, and others the gift of singleness. For so long, I wrestled with this idea and I made a statement in my head saying "Nope, that's totally bull. How can being single be a gift EVER?" Now that I'm rethinking, I don't think I'd have the time for all the things that I enjoy if I did have a girlfriend. Of course, it's not like spending time with your girlfriend instead of doing some of these things is a bad thing (we could all live with a little less World of Warcraft). But there are also opportunities that must be sacrificed for the relationship; like my acting jobs, or my deep involvement in the church. I really think that a large part of the happiness that comes with being in a couple, is the assurance that you've found someone and that you're that much closer to finding someone to spend your life with. It might seem like a callous way of looking at it, but I think that finding that person is a life goal for lots of people, and once they're locked in some kind of relationship there's that feeling of relief. Again, I may be talking out of my ass.

All I know is, Dante has some hot waitresses and now I have somewhere and some people to chill with on the weekends. Life's good..