So again it's been a while since I've blogged about anything at all. Sometimes I just wonder if it's really justifiable to be classified to be one of the ppl who blogs more often than others. But really I guess it comes in spurts much like thoughts happen to occur to me. The mind is strange in that way where it can go from the "No thinking" mode into the "Constant thinking insomniac" mode. And when it comes to it, if my mind is in the non-thinking mode, does that mean I have to force myself to think of something insightful? How does that work exactly? Should insightfulness come naturally, or does it require you to force yourself on it? Am I even doing that right now with this whole questioning of thinking? Because deep down, I really don't think I care all that much about the whole issue, but am I just questioning it to be insightful? I remember as a kid I used to think of that kind of stuff on my way home to school. "Am I really thinking about this weird concept because I naturally came up with the thought, or because I felt like making some kind of complex thought process?" Weird stuff....

I've decided that I'm gonna buy a new desktop computer. I know I've been debating b/w getting that or a new laptop, in which the costs are completely different as well as the benefits. But when it truly comes down to it, I think the laptop would be more of a high tech toy for me to flaunt around than putting it's true potential to use. "Hey guys check out my Laptop! I can play mp3's where ever I go now. YAY!" That and the fact that I wouldn't take care of the whole thing at all, equals reasons why I'm choosing to look for a good desktop package.

So far from what I've looked at, it looks like the best deal is at MDG so far. Most likely I'm looking to get the horizon or focus systems, which would be ideal for school. What's funny is that whenever I mention that company name, no one has any idea of what I'm talking about. But the second that I mention that tune "Do you think you really want a clone?" everyone starts to laugh in unison. Really, that makes one wonder if it's the best way to market a product? I'm sure the company has everyone's mind on the jingle itself, but how many ppl are actually able to attach that jingle to the company name? How useful is a marketting tool when the name or purpose of a company isn't remembered as part of the entity? Anyway it was kinda funny because for those ppl who listen to music regularily, which includes myself, they can't remember at all how the original song went. I know today I was killing myself trying to figure out what the original words were, until about after the 10th time repeating the same slogan when I did remember. I wonder who else can actually remember the original song? Man do I think of weird stuff.

As for my life lately, it's been really lacking substance. Like Maggie described her life, my daily routine consists of pretty much the same things. Wake up way too early for my own good, eat a somewhat breakfast, goto work and still feel somewhat incompetent, lunchtime, then struggle to get out of there on time. What's even stranger about lately is that even though I always itch to get out of work and get home ASAP, when I actually get home I have nothing to really do. Just today, I got home from karate to eat dinner, and I couldn't think of anything better or more productive to do than take a nap and hopefully be able to go on MSN later to talk to the usual ppl. Now that just seems messed up to me! Is it really all that healthy to be that dependent on MSN for entertainment? It almost sounds like one of my old childhood habits to goto sleep, and then wake up as soon as I can to use the internet or play video games before my brothers got there. I think every guy with siblings have done that at least one time or another when they were young.

Anyway yeah, just lately I've been running out of ideas of what to do. The only real things that I've done lately worth mentioning is starting to organize my photo albums into categories, and working out. That reminds me that I have to give a whole bunch of my doubles to ppl that I forgot to in the past. It's truly amazing how many stupid pictures a person with a camera and too much film developing money can take. I think I'll have to start a whole new directory in my webshots login for just dumb pictures.

But the whole thought of becoming bored lately has got me wondering where I stand in relation with my friends. If I'm really all that bored, how come I don't really ever call my friends to hang out for a bit? It may be because a number of reasons where: my friends have a totally conflicting schedule, I don't have enough time to hang out or for going out, I'm holding a grudge against any of my friends (which I don't think I'm doing), or maybe even because I'm slowly drifting away from my friends (which is my biggest fear). I'm not really too sure why I'm so afraid of drifting away from my friends, because when it comes to it there are healthy reasons for that happening like me wanting to have more private time, or moving onto other really important stages of my life. But I think the reason why it scares me so much is because I've always had at least a small handful of friends around me that I could always depend on if the worst would ever happen. Almost like a security net, it lets you take more chances with life without feeling that you're completely alone. And with me especially, it seems as though friends have taken the first priority in my life before anything besides friends and family. That even including school, which makes me wonder if that is the right way to carry on.

That's what I really hate about post secondary. Whether you like it or not, if you truly want to get into the field you're studying for, school will become your life when you want the right grades. And I guess I've never really been ready to accept that fact in my first year, because it's hard to believe that something so material-like could come before so many significant things. I'm not blaming this fact for my lack of good enough grades for the first year, but I'm just gonna say that it really sidetracked me with not having set the right priorities.

Now even though it may be ideal to set your priorities on school foremost, is it really healthy for your life as a whole? I know I've heard lots of ppl go on about "Yeah it's only 4 yrs of your life, and blah blah blah," but let's face it, a whole bunch of crap can happen in 4 years! Even though in the context of our whole life it may seem like such a short span of time, it tends to go in slow motion when we're in the moment. Think of it as our life from age 12-16. If one had just focused on school for those years, they would have missed a whole lot of growth and maturity in their life.

Again some may argue that 12-16 is supposed to be the self-identity stage of our lives, and that it's a whole different context to be talking about. But can anyone truly classify ANY part of a human being's life as the most developmental stage? I think it's one of those things that depends on the individual. Personally I think I grew the most in maturity and attitude wise probably between the ages 16-19. Wow, I'm fricken old....

Yeah this is one huge fricken blog, I think I should stop now before I start thinking myself into a hole. Hopefully this will let me blog more often now that I've put so many thoughts on the table.